I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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