I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
