JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
