my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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