you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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