sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
