I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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