So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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