Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
