Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
