i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
