So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
