i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize