I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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