btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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