I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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