you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
