When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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