I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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