Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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