normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
