I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
