I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
