I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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