I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
