We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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