Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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