I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
