Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
