I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
