How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
