I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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