We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
