Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
