he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
