Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
