I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
