I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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