He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
