My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out mid-signature
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
