I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
