So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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