I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
