I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
