Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
