3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
