No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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