i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
