Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize