Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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