dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
