woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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