the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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