Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
