Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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