I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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