no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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