sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize