those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
