just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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