If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
