Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
