New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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