your parents love me but you hate me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
