pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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