Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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